It’s at night that the grief swallows me…or that I allow it to at least with little effort to stop it. I turn pages of photo albums to see the man you were before you became mine and cry tears of joy. And then see you as a father in those pictures with a twinkle in your eyes, granted you appear less and less in each photo as you were always the photographer. Again I cry. Lying here on this air mattress in my childhood home, that will never be the same because you had to leave. It hasn’t even been a week since you passed and the sadness that you’re gone, and gone so quickly, still keeps spinning me through the first few stages of grief like a revolving door. I want to scream at the world for not saying the right thing, of which there is no right thing, I want to run until the pain in my chest stops throbbing but the frigid temps won’t cooperate, I want to go back to a month ago when we were planning on moving from the hotel room to the house the next day to help out around the house with tasks and with radiation visits…but I can’t go back. You are no longer physically with me. You won’t answer my crack of dawn video chats as I start my work day because we are the only ones in the world awake. The struggle to picture how my life will be without my Dad is suffocating right now.
So I will keep getting up every morning and doing well at work…or I will continue to try to at least…to keep making him proud. Because he loved a hard worker and firmly believed that hard work eventually pays off. And I will let the sadness take me when it needs to, in waves, because I know how much my Dad loved me…and I loved him. So much. And this hurts right now beyond measure as I am sure it will forever, but greatness and devotion and love like he had for his family deserves the honor of grieving the loss of it.
All great things that are experienced and are felt amongst those that surround it, truly leave a wonderful sadness when they are extinguished.
Making Yourself a Priority in Your Own Life's Story 
A beautiful sentiment, one that shows the history and the memories that will remain with you. The vision of a brighter tomorrow with the education you’ve learned through your growth and development in this world. The ability that you set beforeth yourself to try and try hard everyday to be the best you. There is no doubt you will achieve your goal, unfortunately that goal too will change, goals change to make us better people you have shown that to us.
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