It has been quite some time since I put pen to paper in any way other than professionally. I wouldn’t say that I lost the need, but I definitely lost something in the last 18 months since my last entry. Work has been intense, to say the least. We lost our last fur baby, Zoey, our first together, in November 2022, before the Thanksgiving holiday, and I’ve just been sort of trying to stay afloat mentally and physically. Trying not to make too many waves, both personally and professionally, which doesn’t necessarily go against my character, but I wasn’t put on this earth to fade into the background or not speak up when I feel strongly about something. A part of me went away somewhere. But I’m hoping that I am starting on the path to bringing that Andy back into the foreground. One step, one workout, one good choice, one opinion said out loud at a time.
“Friends” have vanished in that time as well and then reappeared after months of radio silence, which has caused some confusion in my head and in my heart. I am an over thinker by nature and keep replaying certain conversations in my brain and wondering if I did this? If they did this? If we did this? Or was it just the result of the state of the world honestly? The world of chaos and constant debate and rioting, the division of families over something that I thought was so trivial. But what is trivial to me or just in my mind an easy choice, is clearly not the case for others. Getting back to a place where all of the world isn’t so on edge when we speak to one another, make eye contact or not, or even just respond to a simple text message has clearly been more of a struggle than the “all in this together” movement intended. The only way to see where the chips fall will be to just open my mind a bit to them. Maybe they really did miss me or think they made a mistake by cutting me out of their lives and I should take those words at face value. But I would be amiss if I didn’t protect my heart a little bit and be on guard with being open to the renewal of something that was once something I relied upon so deeply. I guess we will have to see how it plays out or see if these were simply one off outreach attempts. You never know. Perhaps what these rekindled relationships turn into will be something better, something more mature, something more in line with who I am today. I am open to it though and an going to be cautiously optimistic.Only time will tell right?
Making Yourself a Priority in Your Own Life's Story 