I don’t think I am the only one in this boat, but do you find that you have an abundance of time on your hands during this pandemic isolation? Don’t get me wrong, this time is filled with lots of positives; paint by numbers, diamond art, lots of reading, re-watching entire television series, working out, working out followed by pizza, etc. But then in the remainder of that time my brain is constantly overwhelmed and underwhelmed with a constant stream of useful and useless information, received both visually and audibly.
Taking a break from the news and social media on a regular basis is necessary during this time because everything and everyone is just…too much. Here’s an example of my daily stream of consciousness: I’m taking precautions but am I taking enough? Am I taking the right precautions? If I post about wearing a mask will all the people that are anti-mask attack me and force me to take down my post? Will my family or friends reach out to me to try and convince me I’m wrong? Or will they share said post because it’s brilliant? Black Lives Matter and All Lives Matter and Police Lives Matter? I want to post in support but again, do I want to face the repercussions of why I’m wrong…why I’m right? Flagged by future employers? Flagged by current employer? Flagged by the government? Instead, let’s reach out to your black friends, gay friends, trans friends and acquaintances directly to show you support them? Will that be interpreted as inaction or complacency? Because I support them all am I a pacifist? Or am I a conscientious objector? Or a complete fraud? I support the need to be heard and to rid the world of things that cause harm, but who defines what causes harm? If I don’t understand does that mean that I am a racist? A bigot? Does it mean that I am part of the problem? If I support wearing a mask over text or phone to my family and friends and hound them about what is deemed “appropriate social distancing” am I just as bad as the visual assault I see every day in my newsfeed on social media, or the news in the morning or the news alerts through my phone? Has my concern become a weapon? Is my opinion or your opinion soap boxed across all visual platforms really helping? I’m tired but if I sleep how can I overthink these topics? Should I bring up hurt feelings to spouse and potentially start an argument? He’s the only person you see regularly do you want to bicker? Should I make amends with a friend I wronged a decade ago? Was I really sexually harassed? Is it too late to report it? Do I think I am really a victim? If I just don’t want to does that make me a traitor to others who this happened to?
This isn’t everything that goes through my brain but a good basis to give you an idea. This Over Thinking Disorder is the new Major Depression, I tell you what. It paralyzes you and isolates you from the world and your family and your friends. I’m not scared of having an opinion or standing up for what I believe in, but all I do is think these days and to the point where I think my way right out of speaking about it…about anything really. And if I express my opinion, of which spouse and I are generally on the same page, do I want to sit here while someone tries to convince me I’m wrong and they’re right for what feels like forever in the endless loop of time? The answer is most likely no. I am informed and am doing what I need to do to keep myself and my spouse safe. We are taking precautions. We support our friends of all races and the LGBTQ community. The choices we are making cannot be made to please the world outside of our “bubble” because this is all we have right now. Thankful to work from home, and continue to do so for the rest of 2020, but also want to ensure that it’s a physically and mentally healthy environment for the three of us is what’s important. I want everyone we love to come out of this healthy and happy but still want us all to come out as good people. And if that means that my “opinions” aren’t publically posted as frequently as others and my infrequent blog posts are sparse and overly general…so be it! Sometimes the quest to be better, to be a good person, to be able to live with your choices…can be a selfish journey.
Be safe my friends.
Making Yourself a Priority in Your Own Life's Story 